“Attachment is or maybe now was a huge problem for me. Every guy I ever liked, I got attached to them, put them up on a pedestal and couldn’t stop thinking about them all the time.
So I started meditating for the first time today. I felt like I had to let myself breathe mindfully for at least a moment without all the compulsive actions of my day. It lasted about 10 mins and I honestly felt like I could do it for hours if I tried. It was very calming and peaceful. Whenever I had embarrassing thoughts of my past actions, I remembered that I was at home, just laying down in peace and that thought faded away. It felt so good to focus on my breathing and almost for the first time to actually properly acknowledge it. It really did feel somewhat overwhelming and exciting and invigorating. A high that comes from having ALL of my mental rubbish and burden released, at least for those moments.
I also felt much sadness. I cried over and over. I realised that in all of those times I acted out of character just to get validation and attention from guys, they were all actions that arose out of a deep sadness and longing that goes back to my childhood. A child only rightfully desperate to be loved back. I felt great compassion for my past self who went through all that she did, and who didn’t know any better. Who did the best she could with what she had.
I truly understand the power of meditation now. It feels like I found a long lost friend who now always has my back. I feel like I’m not alone anymore.
Where do I go with my meditation from here?”
It’s great that you have discovered meditation.
Meditate regularly, daily if possible.
Work through your emotions and thoughts as you meditate.
Gradually increase your meditation time from 10 minutes to what works for you.
As you do this you will feel calmer, feel healthier and feel clearer.
Enjoy the benefits of meditating!
Edwin Leo 